


Love Me Anyway

by DisneyGeekWriter



Category: Beauty and the Beast (1991)
Genre: F/M, Inspired by Music, Miscarriage, Recovering Alcoholic, therapy sessions
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-17
Updated: 2020-06-17
Packaged: 2021-03-04 01:35:18
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,935
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24775483
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DisneyGeekWriter/pseuds/DisneyGeekWriter
Summary: Companion to Hey Jealousy. Adam and Belle hash put their past with the help of a therapist. Inspired by the duet "Love Me Anyway" by Pink and Chris Stapleton
Relationships: Adam/Belle (Disney), Beast/Belle (Disney)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 6





	Love Me Anyway

Love Me Anyway 

_Even if you see my scars, even if I break your heart  
_ _If we're a million miles apart, do you think you'd walk away?  
_ _If I get lost in all the noise, even if I lose my voice  
_ _Flirt with all the other boys, what would you say?  
_ _Could you?  
_ _Could you?  
_ _Could you love me anyway?_

They spent the night in each other's arms, fully clothed. Emotions were too raw to even think about more. Adam lay awake with Belle in his arms, her head resting against his chest. The slow and steadiness of her breathing was the only sound in the room. It felt so strange to him to be in the master bedroom of Belle’s house. For so long it had been her father’s room, hers now since Maurice’s passing. He still expected the older man to come in and catch them together. 

It felt so good, so right for Adam to be lying here with Belle. He knew it would be slow going. Slower than even before. She wouldn’t let him cross boundaries until she was ready. They had talked until the early hours of the morning, lying together. He apologized and she listened. 

“I’m never going back to what I was before,” Adam said, turning to look her in the eye. 

“Never say never,” Belle warned, tucking a stray piece of his hair out of his face. “You’ve said never before. It never stuck.” 

He let out a sigh and hugged her close. “I have missed you every day for the last three years.”

She wasn’t sure how to respond. She had missed him too, her Adam. The Adam that was kind and generous. The Adam who would take walks with her in the park. The Adam who defended her from his asshole friend. But the Adam she didn’t miss was the drunk Adam making lewd phone calls to her. The Adam who would take off for days at a time with no word. She didn’t miss wondering if he was alive or dead. She didn’t miss driving all over town checking his usual haunts to bring him home and dry him out. She didn’t miss holding his head when he threw up after a binge. 

“Maybe not every day, but I did miss you,” Belle admitted. “I was very angry with you for a long time. I had no kindness towards you for nearly a year. You put me through hell, Adam. There’s no other way to describe it.”

He took a deep breath. “I deserve that,” he said, loosening his hold on her. “There are so many things I am not proud of. Betraying you, that’s at the top of the list. Has been and always will be.”

If there was one thing she could give him a great deal of credit for was that even in the darkest of times, he never cheated on her. He had never been with another girl. Adam’s definition of betrayal was breaking promises, going back on something he said. He’d nearly done it before, and swore he’d never do it again. 

The first time Adam had broken a promise to Belle was when she’d left for school and was living on campus. She was lonely. Her roommate Babette was rushing a sorority and didn’t have much interest in the academic side of university. Belle spoke to Adam on the phone nearly every night. She missed him. Worried that he wasn’t behaving himself. She had enough to worry about. Her father had a fall at home while he was alone. She called Cogsworth to go check on him when he wasn’t answering the phone. Maurice had broken his hip and was in a rehab center getting round the clock nursing care. It killed her to be away from him when he was in such bad shape. Lumiere took it upon himself to be Maurice’s cheering section. He came to visit him nearly every day. 

When he got on the train to see her for the first time since she left for school, Adam had every intention of behaving himself. She needed him. Not his demons. He stepped off the train and glanced around the unfamiliar station, trying to remember where she told him to go. A flatscreen hanging from a nearby pillar said it was two-thirty. He was early. Really early. Her last class wouldn’t get out until after four. He left the station and walked towards campus, making a wrong turn and ending up on Greek Row or “Sin City” as the locals would call it. Greek Row, home to the university’s fraternity and sorority houses. Adam looked up and down the street, feeling like he had walked into a movie set. The street itself divided the houses, the frats on the even side of the street, the sororities on the odd.

Fliers for parties and other Greek events littered the sidewalk. He picked up one; a house party at Kappa Nu Delta for that night. It sounded like fun. He folded it up and stuffed it in his pocket. The only reason his dads let him come to see Belle alone was because he had met his six month goal of sobriety. They trusted him. Maybe he and Belle could hit up some of the parties, for the social networking after they had dinner. Needing to kill time and not wanting to invade Belle’s dorm room too soon, Adam sat on a bench right outside the Kappa Nu house. He scrolled through his phone, looking for a good place to take the love of his life out to dinner. 

A football nearly severed his head if he hadn’t ducked. A guy in board shorts and flip-flops ran up to him. 

“Oh dude! Wicked save!” he said. “Can’t be all that easy to read your screen out here in the sun. We got shade and brews on the lawn if you’re interested.” 

Like the Pied Piper leading the rats to the ledge, Adam walked over to the big umbrella with the guy. “Dude, I’m Clyde, president of this mighty house. Welcome to the pre-bacchanal bacchanal.”

Remembering his promise to Belle and his dads, he sat in the shade and drank only water. He enjoyed just sitting with people who don’t know his history.

“Dude, I’ve never seen you before,” Clyde said sitting in the lawn chair next to him. “And I’d totally remember your face. Gnarly scars dude.”

“Just visiting my girl,” Adam said, taking a swig from the water bottle. “She’s in class.” 

“Can I get you something other than water? The face you’re making is telling me water isn’t your drink of choice.” 

_Stoli, straight from the bottle._ His mind was turning on him. Afternoon classes were starting to wind down. More people were descending on Greek Row. He needed to leave, now, find Belle and get on with their weekend visit like he planned. He felt his phone vibrate in his pocket. He took out and stared at her photo on the screen. 

“That your girl?”

“That’s my Belle,” Adam said, scrolling over his phone so he could see her face unobstructed by the apps on his phone. “She’s the best.”

“Then what the hell you doing sulking here? Go get your girl and get back here. We light the goat at dusk!”

Reading her text, his smile faded. _Classes are running late. I won’t be back at my dorm until after six. I’m sorry._

“Got any vodka?” Adam asked, shoving his phone angrily deep into his pocket. 

* * *

_Where was he?_ Belle wondered. He hadn’t texted her back after she told him her classes were running behind. Maybe he was holed up at the library, thinking it the best place to find her. She started there. No Adam. The student union building? No Adam. She had that feeling. That deep her in gut feeling that he had done something stupid. She didn’t want to check but she knew that’s where he was. 

Opening Instagram she clicked on the tag for her school’s Greek Row. His face popped up on twelve different posts. Six months gone. She tapped on a video of him having some blonde bimbo pouring something down his throat. They both cheered when he swallowed it all. This girl was all over Adam but he kept pushing her away. Angrily she shut the app and threw her phone on her bed. This was not how she wanted to spend her Friday night, tracking down Adam on Greek Row. 

She took her purse and loaded it up with the standard “Dry Adam out” gear. Water bottles, Advil, crackers. At least she was unknown here by most of the Greeks so she wouldn’t be so embarrassed by his actions. Making her way through campus to Greek Row she couldn’t stop herself from getting mad. Tears stung her eyes as she walked through campus. She knocked into people, not bothering to stop and apologize. She was mad at her schedule. Mad at the earliness of his train. But mostly, she was furious at him for doing this to her. It was the first time they were in the same place in so long. She had been looking forward to seeing him, and congratulating him in person on his six months of sobriety. But now she was furious that he lacked the will power to just walk away. She would never understand his addiction. She couldn’t fathom how he could keep going back to the one thing that was ruining his life. 

She followed the noise and chaos to the Kappa House. There he was, King of the Bacchanal. Standing on the dais that was sure to come crashing down on him at any minute. He had a cheap party supply store crown on his head, draped in dozens of beaded necklaces. 

“Belle! Baby, you made it!” he cheered. “Clyde, dude, look it’s Belle! Belle!” He jumped down and stumbled towards here. “Baby, I’ve missed you so much!”

He tried to pull her into an embrace. How he’d missed her. He leaned in for a kiss and she pushed him away. 

“You’re drunk,” Belle said flatly. “You promised. You promised me!”

“Belle!” Adam shouted as she turned away from him. “Baby, baby wait!” 

“NO! God damn you, Adam! You PROMISED me!” she turned and gave him a shove. “You promised me this would be a good visit. That you could handle it. Find your own way home.” 

She strode away, leaving him standing in the middle of the street. She wanted to call Hatter, tattle on Adam. She was furious, betrayed. She went back to her dorm and slammed the door, thankful that Babette was out, probably at the same party Adam was. Since her night was ruined, she might as well study. And when that proved impossible she opened her laptop and turned to Amazon Prime and took solace in the lives of the beautiful, yet tragic lives of the Crawley sisters. 

In the early hours of the morning Belle was woken by the loud giggling of someone or someones entering her dorm. Rolling over and turning on the lamp she was greeted to the sight of Adam and her roommate. She wasn’t sure who was holding who up. 

“I do believe this is yours,” Babette said, laughing, letting go of Adam. “At least I think he’s yours, unless there’s another Belle from Molyneaux at this school.” 

Adam looked worse for wear. His shirt was torn and muddy. He had the making of a black eye. “Looks like you had fun,” Belle said, with very little sympathy. 

“I feel awful,” Adam said, holding his head. There was a cut in his hairline. 

“I bet you do. There’s waters in the fridge and Advil on my desk. And don’t even think about climbing in this bed. You can sleep on the floor.” She flipped off her lamp and buried herself in her blankets. 

“Belle? Baby?” Adam whispered. “I’m sorry.” 

“You’re always sorry Adam.” 

* * *

Rolling over in her bed she hit something, someone hard. She was in her room at home. Looking at the sleeping face of Adam reminded her of his return to her. It took her a moment to remember that the night before hadn’t been a dream. He was really there and they had really talked all night. He wanted to do more, she knew but she wouldn’t take that step with him until her faith in him was restored. She slid out of his embrace and padded into her bathroom. Turning on the water, she splashed it on her face. Her heart wanted Adam. Wanted him in ways she would never admit out loud. She undid the braid she usually slept in and started to brush out her hair. The door opened and Adam stepped in coming right to her and wrapping her in his arms, kissing the top of her head. It was easy to see how different they were when looking at their reflections. Belle, at her tallest was five foot four and Adam was well over six feet. From what his dads had mentioned, he had taken to running and weights as a distraction and it had done him a world of good. He was a massive figure. 

“God, I’ve dreamt of this nearly every night,” he whispered, wrapping his arms around her waist, resting his chin light on top of her head. “Waking up next to you, starting our days together.”

His words overwhelmed Belle, so she extricated herself from his embrace. “Adam, please understand. I want you, yes. But there’s a lot that has to happen before we get to your version of us being together.” 

“I know that,” Adam said, stepping back from her, giving her space. “It’s going to take more than just words and a bronze coin in my pocket. Just tell me what you want me to do and I’ll do it. I will do whatever it takes to make _this”—_ he gestured between them _—_ “work. And last. Because you’re it Belle. You are my forever. I knew it when I was seventeen. I love you.” 

_Is it for better or for worse, or am I just your good time girl?  
_ _Can you still hold me when it hurts, or would you walk away?  
_ _Even if I scandalize you, cut you down and criticize you  
_ _Tell a million lies about you, what would you say?  
_ _Could you?  
_ _Could you?  
_ _Could you?  
_ _Could you love me anyway?  
_ _Could you? (Aw, could you?)  
_ _Could you? (Could you?)  
_ _Could you?  
_ _Could you love me anyway?  
_ _Could you?_

They sat together at the counselor Hatter recommended they see. Dr. Jane Porter dealt mainly with recovering addicts and their loved ones. Belle agreed at once. There was a lot that they needed to work out before she could entertain the idea of letting Adam in more than she already had. The space between them on the couch was wide. 

“Belle, what is something about Adam that makes you blissfully happy?” Dr. Porter asked. 

“When he takes my hand when we walk together. Or the way he used to run his fingers through my hair,” Belle answered, looking over at him. 

“Adam, same question.” 

Adam stared at Belle. There were so many things about Belle that made him happy that he couldn’t name just one. “It’s a lot of little things. She gets this crinkle between her eyebrows when she’s reading something funny. She can’t sit in a chair like a normal person.”

Dr. Porter wrote in her notes. “Adam, what is something that Belle does to make you angry or upset?” 

Adam was quiet. He had to think for a moment. “When she changes plans at the last moment. I don’t do well with change. When we plan for one thing and then it changes. It upsets me.”

“Are you talking about when you came to see me at school?” Belle asked. “Because that was not in my control. My professor was late and class ran late. You _chose_ to stay on Greek Row instead of going to my dorm like we had discussed. I told you not to get there until after four. If _you_ had followed the plan, that weekend would have gone very differently.” 

“You left me there,” Adam countered. “If your roommate hadn’t found me, I could have ended up anywhere.” 

“Yes, I left you there,” Belle said. “But you broke your promise. You promised me that it would be a good weekend. You always do that.”

“What do I always do Belle? Be human? Make mistakes? You’re not perfect either.” 

“I know that.”

“Then why? Why do you always find a way to make me feel like I’m always in the wrong? You’re not always right, Belle.”

Belle sat quiet for a moment. But Adam kept going. “Yes I’m an addict. I have accepted that. But that’s all you see. You only see Adam the alcoholic. And there’s so much more to me than that.” 

“I don’t just see you as an alcoholic, Adam.”

“Yes you do. You love me despite my addiction. It’s a part of me, Belle.” 

“I know it’s a part of you. That it will always be there, gnawing at the back of your mind. What I want, is for you to find a way to cope that isn’t me. I can’t be the one who keeps you in check. It’s not a healthy way to have a relationship.” 

“What makes you say that, Belle?” Dr. Porter asked. 

“He has to want to stay sober for himself. Not for me or Cogsworth or Lumiere or Hatter. He has to want it for himself. Not to make those around him happy.”

“Is that what you really think? That I don’t want to stay clean for myself?” Adam snapped, his temper starting to rise. “If it's not for me, then who?”

“If you had gotten clean for yourself, Adam, it wouldn’t have taken five years since the accident for us to be here! You would have done it after Kevin died.”

“That wasn’t my fault!” Adam roared. He stood up sharply, pulling his hands through his hair. “I wasn’t driving that night! Gaston was. Gaston killed Kevin, not me.” 

“Baby, we know that,” Belle said, her voice soft, gentle. “We’ll never know if the accident would have happened if you hadn’t been there. But you were.” 

“Stop doing that,” Adam said, his back still to her. 

“Doing what?” 

“The way you talk to me when I get angry,” he said, turning back to face Belle and Dr. Porter. “You get all soft and mild. You talk to me like I’m a child who needs scolding. I have parents. I don’t need you to mother me. You’re my girlfriend. Yell at me! Tell me I’m being an unreasonable jackass.”

“You _are_ an unreasonable jackass! On top of being a stubborn, selfish, self-destructive—” She stumbled over the immense vocabulary she possessed. “You-- You-- rotten, misbegotten, foolhardy--Jackass!”

“Four years spent in the English department and the worst thing you can call me is jackass?”

She narrowed her eyes and pursed her lips. “There are a lot of things I can call you Adam.”

“Don’t let me stop you." Mumbling under his breath, he added, "Judgemental bookworm.”

“Spoiled, ill-bred, bumbling, useless fuckwit!”

“Okay guys, let’s all take a breath,” Dr. Porter interjected. “Sounds like there is a lot of unresolved tension between you. It’s going to take a lot of time and work to bring you to a point where the past is the past and moving towards looking to the future.” 

She gave them homework. For Belle, she recommended books for her to read and to journal. For Adam, he needed to keep with the recovery plan he had made with his own therapists during his rehab. The pair needed to find a way to let go of the past and move forward. 

* * *

Dates were important to Belle. She kept important ones, birthdays, anniversaries on her calendar so she wouldn’t miss them. Without fail she sent a card to Kevin’s mother on his birthday and the anniversary of his death. She didn’t have to but she did it anyway. He deserved to be remembered. The next session she had with Adam and Dr. Porter happened to fall on a day she wished she could forget. The day she miscarried.

“Adam, we’ve talked about your ups and downs over the last few weeks,” Dr. Porter said. “Tell me about the day you saw Gaston’s mother at the grocery store you were working at.” 

_Not that day. Not today._ Belle thought. _Does he even know that it’s today?_

“It had been almost two years since the accident,” Adam answered. “Gaston, as I’ve said before, suffered massive head trauma in the accident, and it left him a living vegetable. I’ve heard that he’s regained some functions but he’ll never be the same.” He clenched his fists, needing a moment to recompose himself. To keep his anger about that day in check. For Belle. “I had recently celebrated a year of sobriety. I was in a really good place.” He reached across the sofa to take Belle’s hand. “We were in a good place. I was able to start wanting to make plans, future plans.”

“I was-- I was pregnant,” Belle said, squeezing Adam’s hand. “I had known for awhile and told Adam and his dads when I was around twelve maybe thirteen weeks along.” 

“We were happy. Looking to make plans to raise the baby together, talking about getting married,” Adam said. “Everything we had talked about before the accident.” He took a breath. “I was bagging groceries at the market in town. I was smiling, happy because I was going to be a father. I wanted so badly to be one. I saw it as my chance to undo the past, to be the dad I needed when I was younger. And there she was. Standing in front of me at the checkstand. It took me a moment to remember her. Gaston’s mother had always been that woman who wouldn’t leave the house until she looked her absolute best. You know the type. She didn’t look like herself. It’s like someone zapped all the color from her.” Adam looked down. “‘How dare you smile.’ That’s the first thing she said to me in almost two years. ‘How can you dare to be happy when my son is forever ruined because of you.?’”

_Adam wasn’t sure how he should react to such an accusation. He knew things were hard for their family. Because Kevin’s mother couldn’t get real justice for her son’s death because of Gaston’s condition she sued his parents for wrongful death. They had lost a lot of their wealth fighting and finally settling with her. He knew he hadn't done anything wrong._

_“I’m really sorry about Gaston, Mrs. LeDoux. The accident wasn’t my fault. He was driving,” Adam apologized. She had a lot of groceries on the belt. This was going to be a long transaction._

_“I don’t believe it! My son would never have driven drunk! You were the one driving and blamed it on my son.”_

_Adam would run out of fingers and toes for the amount of times he had ridden shotgun next to Gaston while he was drunk, stoned, and high as a kite. It was a common thing. But he didn’t dare say that. He kept sorting her groceries as she spoke to him. Berated him._

_“What could you possibly be happy about? You should be in jail. If my son had never gotten involved with a drunk like you, he’d still be whole.”_

_“Ma’am, I’m going to have to ask you to stop harassing my employee,” Adam’s supervisor said, coming up to the register._

_“It should have been you!” she screamed._

_Adam had enough. He took off his apron, dropped it on the floor and walked away. He took a bottle of his poison from the shelves with him and vanished._

“Where did you go?” Dr. Porter asked. 

“I went up to the woods. I had a cave area up there that I would run off to when I needed space. I think I was up there for three days before Hatter found me.” 

“Adam,” Belle said, tears stinging her eyes. “Do you know what today is?”

“No, baby I don’t,” he said, cupping her cheek in his hand. “Belle?”

“Today, three years ago is when--”

“When we lost the baby,” Adam finished for her. He slid off the sofa and knelt in front of Belle. “I will never stop making up for that. Never.”

Dr. Porter watched the two young people in front of her. “What happened?”

Belle clung to Adam’s hands, their foreheads resting against each other. “I was at school. I just took my last final for the winter semester. While I was taking my test it had started to snow. I wasn’t wearing the right shoes and I slipped on a patch of ice. I was stupid. I came out a back entrance that hadn’t gotten de-iced yet. I couldn’t get up. The snow was still falling and I think I cried out enough that one of the groundskeepers saw me. He managed to help me up and guided me to the other side of the building where he radioed for assistance. Everything hurt and I got a sharp sudden pain in my belly. A few minutes later I realized I was bleeding.”

“Baby, you never told me this,” Adam said, trying his best to be a comfort. When Hatter finally found him after running into Mrs. LaDoux all Hatter had said in the matter was that Belle lost the baby. “No one told me what really happened.”

“I was about twenty weeks along when it happened,” Belle said. “A few more weeks and they might have been able to save--to save. To save her. They said my fall caused a placental abruption. At that point there wasn’t much they could do to stop it.” 

_Her. We would have had a daughter._ “A girl?” Adam tried to smile. But it felt wrong. It felt wrong to smile. 

“A girl. She was perfect,” Belle cried, emotion cracking her normally steady voice. “And I was alone. You weren’t there. You weren't answering your phone, I couldn't reach you. I _needed_ you. By the time your dads got there, she was gone.” Gripping his hands tight she kept going. “You showed up eventually. But by then, I was done. I was too broken to care what you had to say, where you were, what you were doing or who you were doing it with. I even reached a point where I didn’t care if you were dead in a ditch.” 

"I'm so sorry I wasn't there,” Adam said, lifting Belle’s chin to look at him. “It is unforgivable that I reacted like that. Her words hurt but I shouldn’t have let them get to me.” 

"It was horrible what she said to you. It wasn't your fault. But in the moment when I needed you the most…" her voice broke and tears streamed down her face. "You weren't there. I had to say goodbye to our _daughter_ alone, with no one but apathetic nursing staff around me. I've never felt more abandoned or hopeless in my life." She wiped away a tear. “I named her Caroline. Caroline Rose Benson. She’s resting in her grandfather’s rose garden.”

“Caroline?” Adam asked, his voice breathless. 

“What’s the significance to that name?” Dr. Porter asked. 

“It was my mother’s name,” Adam answered. “You remembered. Even when you felt nothing for me, you honored me in that way. Belle, that means more than anything.”

"She was still your daughter, and it just felt right. Just because I wanted nothing to do with you didn't mean I could pretend you didn't exist."

Bringing the session back on track, Dr. Porter asked, “Belle, you say you wanted nothing to do with him then. What do you want now?” 

“I want a future. And if you want to be a part of it, Adam, you have to stay clean. Not just for me, but for you.”

“Belle, losing the baby, you telling me that you never wanted to see me again, that was my rock bottom. I wanted, longed to trade places with our child. Every time I got clean before, you’re right it wasn’t for me. It was for you, it was for Dad and Pop and for Hatter. But this last time, this time, it's for me. I need you to know that. And I will work every day to prove it.” He leaned up and kissed her. “I love you.” 

“I love you,” Belle said, wrapping her arms around his neck.

“That’s the first time you’ve ever told me,” Adam said. “I knew you did, but you’ve never said it.” 

“I’m sorry it took me so long,” Belle said. “But I do. I love you, Adam Benson.” 

_Could you? (_ _Could you still love me?_ _)  
_ _Could you? (_ _Pick up the pieces of me?_ _)  
_ _Could you? (_ _Could you still love me?_ _)  
_ _Could you love me anyway?  
_ _Could you? (_ _Ooh, could you still love me?_ _)  
_ _Could you? (_ _Pick up the pieces of me?_ _)  
_ _Could you? (_ _Could you still love me?_ _)  
_ _Could you love me anyway?  
_ _Could you? (_ _Could you catch me when I fall?_ _)  
_ _Could you? (_ _And we rise above it all_ _)  
_ _Could you? (_ _And hold me when it hurts_ _)  
_ _I can't stay here in the world, could you?  
_ _Could you? Could you? Could you?_

  
  



End file.
